Unreasonable Doubt
by EchoInTheSilence
Summary: She's never told anyone, but he's the reason she left Atlanta. The problem is, people aren't as easy to get away from as places. And now her past has come back to torment her.
1. Trust and Betrayal

**Unreasonable Doubt**

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.

**This story is rated T for mention of rape, and the entire story carries a trigger warning. Don't like it, don't read it.**

**This story is third in the series containing ****_Close to Home_**** and****_Within Me, Without You._**** You don't need to have read those to understand this one, but there may be references and spoilers.**

**Chapter 1: Trust and Betrayal**

_Atlanta, Georgia, April 2011_

"Damn!" Amanda Rollins turned the key in the ignition again, and once again, while the engine seemed to turn on, nothing happened that helped her so much as get out of the parking spot, let alone actually accomplish her goal of driving home. She stepped out of the driver's seat and dug her phone out of her pocket to call a cab. She'd worry about the tow truck in the morning.

"Car trouble?"

She jumped a mile and felt abashed even as she did so, recognizing the voice. "Sargeant Blaine!"

The veteran Georgia police officer smiled. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

"No, no, that's okay."

"It's not crazy or anything for a woman like you to be worried about the White Knight." And just like that, he'd cut to the heart of her fears.

The White Knight. A particularly vicious rapist, and one who was smart enough not to leave a whole lot of clues behind. He tampered with women's cars and then swooped in to offer them help. He'd be apparently looking at the car, trying to fix the problem, and then he'd suddenly be holding a gun on the woman. He'd force her into his car, drive her to a deserted area, and rape her. And what scared Amanda was that she fit his profile. Young women in careers that had traditionally been dominated by men, low on the totem pole for the moment but on their way up. She'd had to fight the urge to pull her gun from its holster and hold it ready ever since she realized her car wasn't starting.

"The guy we're looking for comes into the police station parking garage and tampers with my car? It may not be out-and-out crazy, but even I know it sounds paranoid when I say it out loud."

"Don't worry about it," he replied kindly. "Better safe than sorry, right? You know, if it is this guy, you don't want to be sitting around here. How about I give you a lift home and you can call a tow truck from there about your car?"

"Really? Thank you so much."

"Oh, it's no problem at all. I'm parked just over here."

She saw the lights flash on his car as he unlocked it with the control on his keys. She climbed into the front seat as he got in and started the engine.

"You look tired," he commented.

"I am," she admitted. "But unless you want to be driving all over the city at random, I think I'd better stay awake."

He laughed. "I think I can do better than that." He reached into the center compartment and pulled out a portable GPS. "Why don't you just type your address in here? Then if you fall asleep, no big deal."

She smiled even wider now. "Thank you." She quickly punched in her address, unable to believe that a veteran member of the police force was going so far out of his way to be nice to a rookie. She was asleep before the car left the garage.

xxxxxxxxx

Something hit her in the arm, and she was jerked awake. In the next moment, she realized her left hand was cuffed to the emergency brake. She reached for her gun, only to realize her holster was empty.

The car was stopped, and she could see Blaine shutting it off. "This isn't funny."

"Really?" he drawled. "I think it is. You think you can be just like one of us, but all that has to happen is a little car breakdown and you come running to a man to save you. No wonder the White Knight has such an easy time of it. Except with you, it was even easier than he has it. I didn't have to force you to do anything, you did it all on your own."

Her heart was racing. She forced herself to speak calmly, evenly. "Okay. Okay, you've made your point. I was acting like an idiot. Now please, just let me go. I'll find my own way home, I won't ask for your help anymore." She shoved aside the shame she felt at denigrating herself. _You're a cop, you lie to people all the time to get a result. This is no different. You're just telling him what he wants to hear._

Blaine only smirked. "It's not that easy, sweetheart. See, there's a lesson to be learned here, and I don't think you've learned it. Whatever you've deluded yourself into believing, I've got the power here now, and that means I can do what I want with you." He stepped out of the car and walked around, opening the passenger's door and reaching across Amanda to unlock the cuff from the car. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out, twisting her arm behind her back so she couldn't fight him without seriously hurting herself. He walked her to a few feet and then shoved her to the ground next to a handicapped parking sign, cuffing her hand to the metal pole. He grabbed a handful of her hair and tipped her head back to face him. "The rules are simple. If you behave yourself, you don't have to get hurt. But if you disobey me, I have to punish you. Understand?"

"Y-yes, sir," she stammered out.

"Good. That's good." Then he started to unbutton her shirt.

_No,_ she thought silently, but fear of what he would do kept the word from slipping through her lips. She closed her eyes, but almost immediately he slapped her across the face.

"I want to see your eyes," he hissed. "Don't you dare look away from me. That slap was nothing compared to what will happen if you defy me again."

xxxxxxxxx

Amanda limped out of the cab as it dropped her off in her driveway, her entire body shaking uncontrollably. She should have just called the cab in the first place, she thought bitterly. Instead she'd gotten in a car with a man she barely knew, a man she had no real reason to trust, a man who'd taken advantage of her trust by driving her to a deserted park and raping her, copycatting the MO of a man his department was hunting for. He'd uncuffed her and left her lying on the ground, throwing her gun out the window just before starting the car so she'd have no chance to use it against him. She'd called a cab as soon as she'd been able to muster the courage to get up and get her clothes back on.

She stumbled through her front door, slamming it shut behind her and locking the deadbolt. Even then she didn't feel safe. _How could this happen?_

Her cop's mind went immediately to the correct procedure in this case. _Don't shower, keep the same clothes, go to the hospital, get a rape kit done, file a report._ But even as she thought this she was shaking her head, knowing that all that would be pointless trauma. Blaine was no idiot, he'd used a condom. It would be his word against hers, and who was going to believe her?

She wanted the clothes off. The touch of the fabric on her skin was almost painful. She sprinted into her bathroom, locking that door as well before she practically tore them off. It didn't matter; she'd never wear them again. She wanted to burn them. And then she did the one thing she'd always been taught she should never do, the one thing she wanted to do most in that moment. She stepped into the tub and turned the shower on. She began to sob as the hot water pelted her body. She'd never felt so alone and helpless and terrified in her life.

**I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!**

**This story is one I've been working on in bits and pieces for awhile. It stems in large part from Rollins' statement in _Educated Guess_ that "Something happened to me", and Olivia guessing that it was someone she worked with. I know her old Captain mentioned a Deputy Chief in _Strange Beauty_, but by the time I saw that episode (for a long time, it was the one Season 13 episode I hadn't seen) the idea for this story was pretty well cemented in my head, so I'll reconcile that in a later chapter.**

**A note on canon/timeline for those who missed it in _Within Me, Without You_ or would like a refresher: pretty much everything up to Cragen's retirement is in line with canon, with the exception of some of the stuff related to Olivia's personal life. After Cragen leaves, the canon elements are applicable or not at my discretion, partly because I can't keep changing my story ideas with every new SVU episode and partly because I really wasn't a fan of the way the end of Season 15 turned out. With the exception of this prologue, this story is set entirely after Cragen's departure.**

**Please Review**


	2. Can't Be Left Behind

**Unreasonable Doubt**

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.

**Chapter 2: Can't Be Left Behind**

Olivia had the file open on her desk. "Allison Mayfield, twenty-five year old judge's clerk, leaves work and as she's getting into her car sees she has a flat tire. A man walks up to her offering to help, and while she's bent over her trunk clearing things out so she can get out the spare, he puts a gun to the back of her head and forces her into his car. He drives her to an abandoned parking lot, rapes her, and drives away."

Amanda had been pouring a cup of coffee, but when she heard the unit Sergeant describing the crime, she had to set the coffeepot down quickly before she dropped it. "The White Knight."

"What?" Nick gave her a confused look.

"Just before I left Atlanta, we were trying to catch a serial rapist who matches this MO. He'd tamper with a woman's car in some way and then show up offering help. They'd be trying to fix the problem and suddenly he'd have a gun on her. It's the same right down to driving her to an abandoned location, and Allison fits the victim profile. All of the Atlanta victims were young women in low-level positions in careers that were traditionally considered men's careers. The press nicknamed him the White Knight because of the whole swooping in to help thing."

Olivia leaned forward intently. "How many victims?"

"Four when I left, but as far as I know they never caught him. Could easily be more than twice that many now."

Olivia gathered up the file quickly. "I'll brief Murphy, have him call Atlanta for the file. If this is the same guy, we need all the intelligence we can get."

She sat down at her desk, aware Fin was watching her closely. "What is it?"

"Are you okay?"

She swallowed hard, trying to compose herself. Thinking about the White Knight had brought back the memories of her own rape at the hands of Sergeant Blaine. She had never told anyone what had happened to her that night. A few weeks after that, a Deputy Chief had gotten drunk and groped her during a retirement party, and had only been stopped from actually tearing her dress off when her captain had walked in and intervened. It had been terrifying, especially considering she was still reeling from being raped, but it had also been the excuse she needed. The next day she'd gone to the same captain and told him she could no longer work in that department and asked him to help find her a transfer. He'd been so helpful she'd almost felt guilty lying to him, but she couldn't tell him the truth. The lie had gotten her out of Atlanta.

For a moment she almost considered telling Fin about Blaine, but she couldn't. Not after keeping silent for so long. So she did what she'd been doing since the rape. She lied. "I just hate the ones that got away, you know? This guy was a nasty piece of work and every lead was a dead end."

"He hasn't gotten away from us yet," Fin countered. "I'm not conceding defeat before we've started. We'll get him."

xxxxxxxxx

When Amanda walked into the squad room, she thought at first that she was trapped in one of her nightmares.

She had this nightmare every so often, rooted, she guessed, in the weeks between her assault and her transfer when she'd been forced to work in the same office as Blaine. She'd walk into SVU and _he_ would be there, sitting with her colleagues. But a quick, hard bite to her lower lip confirmed what she didn't want to believe. This was no nightmare; this was real.

Fin turned and noticed her. "Hey, Rollins. You two have met, right?"

Blaine turned now too, and his eyes sized her up. She fought the instinct to shiver. "Yeah, we've met."

"I called for a file, Atlanta PD sent us an officer," Murphy explained, unaware of the young detective's discomfort. "This guy's attacked nineteen women in Atlanta since 2011, and they haven't been able to make any headway on the case. Five of the victims were seriously injured. And as soon as the Chief of Detectives and the Commissioner got wind of this, they've insisted we make it a priority before someone gets hurt here."

"Allison Mayfield barely had a bruise on her," Amaro pointed out. "We sure it's the same guy?"

"The other fourteen victims weren't hurt either," Blaine replied. "At first, we thought it might be a copycat, but there were details that we didn't release that showed up in those cases too. Then we figured out the pattern. The five who were hurt are the only ones who fought him; the others complied as soon as the gun came out. It's the same guy."

"DA's office is sending one of their investigators too," Murphy added. "Everyone's afraid of what happens if we don't get this guy."

"Great," Amaro grumbled. "The last thing we need is some paper-pusher looking over our shoulders while we work."

"I'm insulted," said a voice from the doorway.

Blaine just looked confused, and Murphy looked worried that they'd ticked off this guy before he'd even sat down, but the mood of the rest of the team lightened considerably in a matter of seconds as they turned to face the newcomer, who was grinning.

Olivia stood up and ran over to hug the older man. "John!"

"DA's office must've screwed up, they actually sent us someone useful," added Nick, who was right behind her. He hesitated for a moment, then hugged the unit's former Sergeant too.

"Useful my ass," Fin groused mock-seriously. "Instead of a paper-pusher, they sent us a paranoid nutcase." But he quickly couldn't hold back his own smile as he slapped the older man on the back. "How've you been, man?"

"I take it there's some history here," Murphy said, visibly relaxing when he realized there were no hard feelings among the group.

"John Munch, Lieutenant Declan Murphy." Olivia finally seemed to realize that the unit commander was out of the loop. "John used to have my job."

"In other words, I'm used to this kind of thing," he said, shaking the other man's hand. "You don't have to babysit me."

Rollins didn't join in the momentary joy. She _was_ happy to see Munch; she'd missed him just as the others had. She'd never known anyone like him, and his absence was keenly felt. But her terror over seeing Blaine was more than enough to cancel that out. She felt like she was going to be sick.

xxxxxxxxx

Amanda closed the door of her apartment, locking it firmly. She was aware, in some distant part of her mind, that she was repeating the same actions she'd taken on the night she'd been raped, but she felt helpless to stop it. She just wanted to feel safe. Unfortunately, the apartment didn't do it for her either. Everything in it was less than two years old, all bought after her sister had cleaned her out.

_Tell the team_. But she couldn't. Maybe a year ago, but not now. The looks in all of their eyes after her undercover operation with Murphy were so clear in her memory that she might as well be still standing there in that moment. She'd lost all of their trust because she hadn't been able to control her stupid urge to gamble. If Murphy _hadn't_ turned out to be an undercover officer, she would have lost even more. She was alone, and she deserved to be alone.

xxxxxxxxx

"Some people never learn, do they?"

Amanda's body stiffened at the hated voice, and she turned to face the man. "W-what?" The rational part of her brain was telling her not to engage him, but her instincts were still stuck in that awful night and the feelings that had dictated that experience. _If I oppose him, if I resist him in any way, he'll hurt me._

"I saw you with that detective earlier. What's his name, Amaro? You were flirting, anyone could see that."

Her rational center finally managed to interject a tiny bit of sense into the interaction. _He doesn't really know about you and Nick. The people you work with every day still haven't figured out you're together. This is just about his attitude, he doesn't realize how right he is. Don't give him the satisfaction._

Blaine kept talking, not waiting for a response. "You're still here, carrying that badge, and yet you're throwing yourself at that man. You'll never be like a man; you should stop trying."

He walked away before she could say anything, and she leaned against the wall until the ground felt solid under her feet again. Her relationship with the other detective was one of the few positive things that existed in her life, and now Blaine had cast his shadow over even that.

xxxxxxxxx

"How are you holding up?"

Amanda looked over her shoulder at Nick. "I'm not the one who spent the last two hours interviewing a traumatized victim."

He gave her a gentle smile. "But you've been dealing with this case the longest - well, you and Blaine, anyway." She had to resist the urge to flinch at _his_ name. "We all know what it's like when there's that one guy you just can't seem to get."

"It's not as bad as it could be. I wasn't that close to the case; I barely touched it, really. It wasn't _my_ case, I only got involved when they started pulling in additional officers."

Amaro nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Blaine's been on it from Day One, hasn't he?"

Again, she had to force herself not to react. _Don't say his name!_ she screamed internally, but aloud, she just carried on the conversation. "Yeah, I think so."

"It was strange, though. Liv offered to let him sit in on the interview. He didn't want to."

_Of course not. He wouldn't want anyone to realize he sympathizes with their attacker. _"I don't think he did the interviews in Atlanta either."

"Well, I guess he's not really like an SVU detective. He's not used to dealing with live victims."

She hoped he couldn't see that she was trembling now, just remembering how Blaine hovered over her, constantly poking at a barely-healed wound. _He doesn't seem to mind dealing with me._

Apparently, he didn't. "You want to get some dinner?"

She did. She wanted to be able to spend some time alone with him. She felt safe with him. But the memory of her conversation earlier in the day hung in the back of her mind. "I'm not sure we should."

"Amanda." He finally seemed to realize something was off. "Are you okay?"

_No._ "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just - Blaine said something that made me think he thinks something's going on between us."

For a fleeting moment, she almost hoped he'd reject her explanation, push her harder. But instead, he nodded. "Oh, okay. Well, that's no big deal. We're not really doing anything wrong. We're not partners. We were going to have to disclose at some point anyway." He leaned forward and gently kissed her cheek. "Come on, I want to spend a little time with you away from here. Please?"

"Okay."

**Couldn't leave one of my favorite SVU characters out of this story, even if he's not on the team anymore! Besides, he's important later in the story.**

**This chapter references the SVU episode _Gambler's Fallacy._ For purposes of the story, that episode and the subplots that lead up to it are canon (in case you couldn't tell by the fact that Murphy's in command) and the arc will actually be kind of important in this story. Rollins and Amaro's relationship gets a minor mention in the episode _Reasonable Doubt_ (the similarity between the title of that episode and the title of this story is total coincidence).  
><strong>

**Please review.**


	3. A Lead That Goes Nowhere

**Unreasonable Doubt**

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.

**Chapter 3: A Lead That Goes Nowhere**

"Looks like you've had a long night," Rollins commented by way of a greeting. She was a good twenty minutes early for her shift, but Nick and Olivia looked like they'd been there for hours.

Nick's face was taut. "Our guy hit another victim last night. Laura Issac, twenty-five, low-level supervisor in a marketing firm. Same profile, same MO."

"She managed to give us a partial plate off the car in addition to a manufacturer," Olivia added, "four out of six, but I don't know how much help that'll be. In four of the Atlanta cases, they were able to track down a probable match for the car, and three of them were stolen and one was rented with a bogus ID, and Laura's description of the car doesn't match the one Allison gave of the car he was using to abduct her. I've got a uni running down every car matching the description and the partial plate that's registered to a rental company or that's been reported stolen; here's hoping we get lucky and there's some trace evidence left if we do find it."

"That's awfully close together," Fin remarked, coming in just behind his partner. "Is he escalating?"

"There wasn't a clear pattern in the time between cases," Nick replied, looking at the Atlanta file to confirm what he was saying. "Atlanta guessed he seeks out the victims, stalks them long enough to know their routine, and then waits to catch them alone before tampering with the car. There's no specific timeline."

"Where's Blaine?" Fin queried.

_Not here, thank God_, Amanda thought. She hadn't seen him yet that morning and she was unbelievably grateful for that respite, tiny though it was.

Olivia shrugged. "I called him when the call came in, but he said he thought we could handle it and he'd be in at the regular time. I get not wanting to step on our toes but he's taking it to the opposite extreme. I know you said he didn't usually do interviews, but was he this hands-off in Atlanta?"

"What?" It took Rollins a second to realize the question was directed at her. "Uh, yeah, kind of. I mean, he had to do more of the grunt work, but I don't think I ever saw him with a victim."

"Strange way to handle a case," Fin remarked.

"Maybe he's just not comfortable with victims," Nick suggested. "SVU takes a special kind of detective, and he's not SVU, just an officer who happened to be handed a serial rape case."

"Fair enough," Olivia conceded.

xxxxxxxxx

"Sure, that's one of ours," the rental agent replied.

"Can you tell me if it was on your lot last night between 9PM and midnight?" Olivia asked. They'd decided to run down the five matching rental cars first before trying to deal with the stolen ones, and she and Munch had gone out to this lot to check on this particular car.

"Sure can." He pressed a few buttons. "No, sorry. It was taken out the day before yesterday and returned early this morning."

"Is it here now?" she asked eagerly. _Could we have caught a break, finally?_

"Yes, but I can't let you have it, it hasn't been cleaned yet."

"You're taking it out of service," Olivia told him authoritatively. "No one is to touch that car until our own technicians get here. That car is now a crime scene."

"I think I'd better get my supervisor."

"Fine, do that, but make damn sure your guys don't touch that car in the meantime, and we need to speak to anyone who might have already touched it."

The supervisor was on the floor quickly. "You think a crime was committed using one of our cars?"

"It's looking likely. Your employee told you what we expect?"

"I may be able to go a step further," he replied. "Last year, we had an issue with some of our cars not being returned in a timely fashion or at all, so we installed GPS trackers. We save the data for forty-eight hours."

"Big Brother is alive and well," Munch commented under his breath, but loud enough for the other three to hear.

"Shut up, John," Olivia chided with a great deal of affection. "At least that'll tell us for sure if we're on the right track."

xxxxxxxxx

"I thought for sure we'd caught a break when the car hadn't been cleaned," Olivia groaned, "but CSU went over it for three hours, and all the evidence we found matched the exclusionaries from the rental lot staff. The only thing we know for sure is that this is the right car."

"This guy's better than we thought," Blaine commented. "In all the other cases, the rental cars had been cleaned and the stolen cars had been torched. We always thought that if we could just get one closer to the time of the crime, we might be able to break the case. But it looks like he cleaned up after himself first, just in case."

"I'm not giving up yet," Olivia said firmly, in the voice she always reserved for the cases that really got to her. "We'll get him."

"Taking this one personally?" Blaine inquired.

"Damn right I am. My boyfriend has a daughter that fits this profile."

_Don't tell him that!_ Amanda wanted to scream. _What if he decides she needs a lesson like he thought I did?_ She hadn't been worried for Olivia because Olivia was older and higher up the chain of command than she was or than any of the White Knight's victims.

She forced herself to calm down. _The girl's in Pennsylvania, how's he even going to find her?_ Elliot Stabler's other two daughters were still in school, so Amanda knew she had to mean Maureen. _You're letting him get to you._

xxxxxxxxx

A ring on the buzzer woke Amanda from a sound sleep. She checked her phone to make sure she hadn't slept through a call. She hadn't.

_So someone's coming to my apartment without calling first. Neighbor that needs to be buzzed in? _She pressed the button to open the communication line.

"_Hello, Amanda_."

Her heart almost stopped. _No._ "What - do we have another lead on the case?"

"_No. I just wanted to stop by and say hello._"

"I'm not letting you in." It took every bit of strength she had to get that defiant statement out, and even so her voice shook.

"_Fine. Goodnight, Amanda._"

She collapsed to the floor, her legs no longer having the strength to hold her up. She was shaking, too tired and worked up to even cry.

_I can't do this anymore._

****Short, I know, but I needed everything in this chapter to set up the next one.****

****Please review.****


	4. Can't Go On Like This

**Unreasonable Doubt**

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.

**Chapter 4: Can't Go On Like This**

John Munch was suspicious.

Now this, in and of itself, was not an unusual occurrence. Any of the SVU detectives would attest that he was usually suspicious of something. But that something was usually related to the government. He wouldn't deny that he was what most people would call a conspiracy theorist, but as he always reminded them, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not right.

But this was different. John Munch was suspicious of Sergeant Blaine.

Ever since he'd met the man a week earlier, he'd gotten a sense from him that something was off in a way he just couldn't quite put his finger on. The longer he worked with the man, the more strange little things he came across. Not feeling comfortable with victims was one thing, but Blaine seemed to go out of his way to avoid them, ducking out of the room every time a victim was coming in for an interview.

"No one's going to force you into the interview room," Olivia had told the man a little exasperatedly, but he'd only shaken his head without answering and continued the strange behavior.

Not to mention, his organizational skills left a lot to be desired. He'd only been around a few weeks, but the degree of disarray on the desk he was using was worse than what most detectives developed over the course of years. John had been looking for the same file for twenty minutes and didn't seem to be any closer to finding it. The desk was a pile of papers, work-related and otherwise. He finally saw something that looked like the file he needed, only to groan in near-despair when he realized that wasn't it at all and all he'd done was knock a bunch of papers to the floor when he'd pulled it out. With a sigh, he began gathering them up, dropping them back onto the desk. But one inexplicably caught his eye. At first he couldn't figure out why. It was just a car rental receipt -

No, it was a receipt for the _return _of a rental car. 4AM the day after Laura Issac was attacked, to the same rental lot as the car that was used in the abduction.

Abandoning his search for the file, he haphazardly shoved the rest of the papers onto Blaine's desk, hoping the Atlanta Sergeant wasn't one of those people who had an order to what looked like a mess to everyone else. He didn't want the man to realize anyone had been looking through the papers on his desk. He ran over to Olivia's desk instead, going through her much better organized files until he found a copy of the invoice for the rental car. _The order numbers matched._

The others would be in soon. Holding both pieces of paper, he strode into Murphy's office to wait.

xxxxxxxxx

"Look, I've looked at your file. You have a tendency to see connections where none exist."

The former Sergeant almost rolled his eyes. "You're saying you're not going to listen to what I have to say because I believe the moon landing was faked and the Kennedy assassination was staged?"

"Are you listening to yourself?" Murphy asked a little incredulously.

"First of all, there's plenty of evidence to support both of those things. Second, that's not relevant right now! I found that on Blaine's desk!"

"And you found the other copy on Benson's, but you're not accusing her of anything. That transaction is a piece of our case, and even I'll admit that Blaine's desk is a mess. What's more likely, that he's somehow orchestrated the investigation into his own crimes without ever getting caught despite the fact that every single victim saw her attacker's face, or that he has them because _he's investigating_?"

"He avoids victims like the plague," Munch countered.

"Not everyone's comfortable with victims, I heard Amaro say as much and I agree with him. Blaine's not comfortable dealing with the victims so he leaves that to my detectives and does his work behind the scenes. That's the point I was making by comparing this to some of your other theories. Conspiracy theories exist because people see connections and draw conclusions from every insignificant detail and coincidence."

"But -"

"Drop it, Munch. We're not going to find the real doer any faster if you get stuck on this mess. And don't pull my detectives into this, either. I need them chasing down real leads."

xxxxxxxxx

The entire day had been torture for Amanda, starting with that 3AM buzz on her door. Once she'd been able to get off the floor, she'd spent the entire night lying awake with her gun under her pillow. She'd realized pretty quickly what his intentions were in coming by. He hadn't expected her to let him in; he was just letting her know that he knew where she lived.

She'd half-expected something to be wrong with her car that morning and had been relieved when it had worked. But now she was driving aimlessly around the city. She couldn't go back to her apartment; what if he was waiting for her? She was so tired, she'd been driving for almost two hours and she knew she couldn't keep driving much longer, but where could she stop?

She ran down all her options. Olivia, Fin, and Nick still didn't entirely trust her after the gambling thing, and Nick in particular would be angry she'd kept this from him this long. She was basically confirming his distrust of her. She already owed Murphy way too much to go to him. Munch was a wild card and closer to each of the other three than he was to her; he could easily have picked up on their distrust. Who did that leave?

Then she heard a gentle voice in her head, a conversation she'd had months earlier. "I'm still here for you. If you ever need anything, just drop me a line. My door is open."

Finally, her driving took on a destination. She drove until she got to the familiar building and found a place to park. Hand shaking, she rang the buzzer. There was no answer.

_He must be out._She considered going back to her car to wait, but it was half a block away, and she suddenly felt so tired that half a block seemed like miles. She sat down on the stoop and she waited.

Exhaustion hindered her perception of time, and she had no idea how long it was before she saw a familiar figure walking towards her. He looked up, recognizing her too. "Amanda?"

"Captain." It wasn't strictly accurate anymore, but she was so used to calling Cragen that that it was pretty much an impossible habit to break. She stood to meet him.

"What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

"No," she said, answering that question honestly for the first time in a week. "I didn't know who else to go to. I need help. I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" He reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder.

The moment she felt the gentle touch, her walls crumbled and she began to cry. He watched her in concern, quickly realizing that whatever was going on was worse, much worse, than he'd realized. "Come inside and we'll talk." He gently put an arm around her shoulders and led her in.

She nearly collapsed on the couch when they got into his apartment, and he sat down next to her. "Talk to me, Amanda. What's going on?"

She met his eyes, and they were so full of compassion and concern it made her want to cry harder. "I never told you why I had to leave Atlanta." She took a deep breath, and then she said it before anything could happen to make her hold herself back. "My sergeant raped me."

"He _what_?" Sudden anger filled Cragen's face, and Amanda flinched violently. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, and it's not you I'm angry with."

"I never told anyone," she whispered. "I couldn't. I tried to forget it ever happened, and when that didn't work I tried to at least act like it, but I couldn't do that either, that's why my gambling got so out of control so fast." She swallowed. "He copycatted a serial rapist he was chasing. That rapist - he's in New York now, and so is Sergeant Blaine. He's working with SVU to catch this guy, and he's been following me around, making comments. Last night he showed up at my apartment, so now I can't even go home. He might be waiting for me."

"You haven't told the team?" he asked softly, careful to avoid any tone of accusation.

"I can't," she sobbed. "Just before you left - I had a relapse. I went back to gambling, and I spiraled down even faster this time. While Olivia was in command, I got into a mess with this club. It would've been a lot worse except one of the enforcers was actually an undercover cop and he brought me in on his bust. I lost the trust of all the SVU detectives, how can they trust me on this after that? How can I expect them to? I'm so scared, I don't know what to do."

He took her shaking hands in his and held them tightly. "I know them at least as well as you do, Amanda, and whatever you've done, they _will_believe you."

"They'll never forgive me for keeping this from them."

"Yes, they will. Because you can't be expected to be rational about something like this, and they know it. And deep down, so do you." He squeezed her hands. "You need to tell, Amanda. It isn't fair to you to have to live in fear and it's not right to have someone like that walking around unchallenged. We can do it right here," he offered. "I'll call one of the detectives and I'll be by your side the whole time."

"Okay," she whispered. "Okay, I'll do it." She was still so scared she felt like she couldn't breathe, but if Cragen was there, she thought maybe she'd be able to get up the courage.

"Who do you want me to call?" He was going to give her as much control over this process as he possibly could.

"Olivia." This was going to be hard no matter who was taking her statement, but at least she wouldn't be quite starting at square one with the Sergeant.

"Okay."

xxxxxxxxx

It was a confused Olivia who showed up on her former boss' doorstep, and her confusion was joined by concern when she saw the pained look on his face. "What is it?"

"Rollins is here," he said softly. "She needs to talk to you."

"To me?" Olivia repeated. "About what?"

"I think you should ask her that yourself." By now they'd reached the front door of his apartment, and he pushed it open. Amanda was still sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket Cragen had slipped over her shoulders. Even without Cragen, Olivia would have known something was seriously wrong. The blonde had clearly been crying.

"Amanda?" Olivia asked gently. "What is it?"

She sat up a little and swallowed, reaching out to grab Cragen's hand. "Do you - do you remember when I told you something happened to me on the job in Atlanta?"

She did remember that conversation. Amanda had shut it down almost before it had started, and Olivia hadn't pushed her.

"You said not pursuing it is how they win. Well, I think you were right, and I can't let him win anymore." She began to cry again. "Sergeant Blaine raped me in Atlanta." It was easier, somehow, to say it the second time.

As Olivia sat in shocked silence, Amanda told her everything, all the details she'd left out of the condensed version she'd told Cragen. She told Olivia about how her car had been tampered with and how Blaine had offered her a ride. She told her about all the comments he'd made, lauding the White Knight's methods and insulting her. She told her about the assault itself, shaking uncontrollably as she relived every horrible detail of that night. And she told her about the call he'd paid her in the wee hours of the morning.

"I know you don't trust me," she finished, "and I know I deserved to lose your trust. But please, believe me on this. I would never say something like this unless it was true. Please..."

"Oh, sweetheart, of course I believe you," Olivia replied, feeling her throat sting with a desire to cry. "I know things have been strained between us since your undercover, but this - I could never doubt you about something like this." She paused to compose herself. "I know this is going to be hard for you, but we have to tell the rest of the team."

"I can't," she whispered. "I didn't talk about it at all for three _years_, and then I've already told my story twice just tonight. I can't do it again, not now, I'm so tired, I just want to rest."

"I know," Olivia told her gently, and she did. She remembered how she'd felt after Lewis; so physically and emotionally exhausted she just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep for days. "Listen, I'll tell them what you told me. If you don't want to be in the room, you don't have to be, just be in the building, then if they have any questions they can ask you."

"Who are we talking about?" The resigned tone in her voice suggested she was ready to agree.

"Fin, Amaro, Murphy, and Munch."

"Okay."

xxxxxxxxx

Olivia was greeted with a series of annoyed looks from the group of four assembled in the interview room, but she knew that would fade as soon as she told them what was going on.

"Still waiting on Rollins and Blaine," Fin informed her.

"Rollins already knows what I'm about to tell you, and Blaine wasn't invited." She felt her stomach twist just thinking about what kind of a monster she'd been interacting with.

And then she told them.

The looks on their faces mirrored what she knew her own must have looked like when Rollins had told her. She'd left out a few of the graphic details for the sake of simplicity and to protect her friend's privacy, but what she told them was more than enough.

"He _copycatted_the _White Knight_?" Fin asked furiously. "The man he's supposedly working to bring down?"

"Maybe not," Munch said softly. He sent a look to Murphy, almost daring the man to stop him, but the Lieutenant only nodded. What they'd just learned made the older man's theory seem a lot less like wild speculation and a lot more like a genuine possibility. "I was looking for a file on Blaine's desk early this morning, and I found a receipt for the return of the same rental car that was used to abduct Laura Issac."

"That document wasn't in the file you and I got from the agency," Olivia said softly, starting to realize what Munch was getting at.

"I know," he said softly.

"You don't think -"

"It would explain a lot. Why he always runs out of the room when the victims show up. He doesn't want them to see him because they could identify him."

Murphy gave a long sigh. "All right. We'll arrest him first thing in the morning. In the meantime, no contact between him and any of us. The last thing we want to do is tip him off."

xxxxxxxxx

Amanda tensed instinctively when the crib door banged open but relaxed again when she recognized the figure standing there. "Nick..." she began uncertainly. "Nick, I'm s -"

"Don't," he said firmly. "Don't you dare say you're sorry. None of this is your fault, you hear me? _None_." He opened his arms to her and she stepped into them, letting him wrap her up in a warm hug. "We're not going to let him hurt you again, Amanda. I promise."

"What Nick said," came her partner's voice from the doorway. "That son of a bitch is not coming near you again."

"Liv told us he's been bothering you at home," Nick added, and felt her nod against his shoulder. "You can sleep at my place tonight. I already told her and Murphy you'd be staying with me. Fin's going to go take a look at your place in case he's hanging around."

No words would come to her, and so she allowed him to lead her out to his car.

xxxxxxxxx

Amanda was practically asleep on her feet by the time Nick pulled his car into his driveway, and he put his arm on her shoulders to walk her inside. She watched intently as he locked the door.

He walked her up the stairs to his bedroom and sat her on his bed. "This door locks from the inside," he explained gently. "Maria and I put it in so Zara wouldn't walk in on us. If you lock this and the bathroom door, there's no way for anyone to get in unless you let them. You want something to sleep in?" He pulled out a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt without waiting for an answer. She took them just as silently and slipped into the bathroom to change. She wanted a hot shower, but she was so tired she thought she might not make it through one.

Nick was changed too when she came out of the bathroom, wearing something similar to what he'd given her. "Come on, let's get you into bed."

"Why aren't you mad at me?" she asked suddenly. "I've been lying to you for a week, and you're acting like you don't care about that at all. I _expected _you to be mad at me."

He pulled her into his arms. "Oh, Amanda, I'm not mad, not at all. I'm just sorry you didn't think you could come to me. Whatever I did to make you think that, I'm sorry. That man tortured you day after day, and I'm sorry I didn't see it."

_He _was apologizing to _her_? "I should've told you."

"Shh, it's okay," he soothed, gently running his hands over her back. "He scares you, I know he does. Whatever your reasons, I know you didn't do this to deceive me. How could I ever be mad at you for this?" He laid a gentle kiss on her hair.

She clung to him, her fingers tight in his shirt. "You won't let him hurt me?" She hated the words even as they slipped from her mouth, it sounded so childlike and needy.

But Nick didn't seem to mind. "No, Amanda. I won't let him hurt you."

She briefly entertained the thought that she wanted to stay here, in his embrace, forever, but that thought was interrupted as her body finally did what it had been threatening to do all night and gave out completely. Her knees buckled, and if Nick hadn't had his arms around her, she would have fallen.

"Oh, you're exhausted," he said, worry evident in his voice. "Come on." He carried her the last few feet to the bed and laid her down. "You know where the guest room is, if you need me during the night."

"You're not going to stay here?"

"I didn't know if you'd be okay with that." He lightly stroked her forehead, pushing her hair back. "The last thing I want to do is push you into something you're uncomfortable with."

"Please stay," she whispered. "Please, I - I don't think I can deal with being alone right now."

He slid into the bed next to her, and she reached out to him weakly. He did the rest, drawing her into his arms. "Just go to sleep," he whispered. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

**I've had that opening line in mind for _months_, I'm so excited that I finally get to use it.**

**Just another reminder considering the content of the most recent SVU episode (and what it suggests we may see later in the season), this story no longer takes much of that into account (although what was in the episode fits well enough into this story) since I can't keep adapting my fanfic ideas to fit whatever twists the show throws in. To be absolutely clear, the end of ****_Thought Criminal _****and the Amaro plot in **_**Spring Awakening **_**never happened in this timeline.**

**Please review.**


	5. The Game is Over

**Unreasonable Doubt**

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.

**Chapter 5: The Game is Over**

She felt cold. It was the first thing she noticed as consciousness began to seep back in. Waking slowly, she realized Nick's arms were no longer wrapped around her. Her heart began to race. "Nick?"

And then he was there, running his fingers through her hair. "What is it?"

"I woke up and you weren't there," she replied, realizing as she said it how silly she sounded. With him there, her fear seemed to lose some of its hold on her. "I thought maybe something happened to you."

He bent to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry, I should've let you know I was getting up, but you were so tired last night, I didn't want to wake you."

"You're going in?" Stupid question. Of course he was. She likely would have been too, if Murphy hadn't pretty much ordered her to take a few days.

He nodded. "I'll be back later. In the meantime, you know where everything is, right?"

"Uh huh."

"You still tired?"

"Yeah."

He slipped his hand into hers. "You want me to sit here until you fall asleep?"

"You sure? I don't want to make you late."

"Don't worry about it. First of all, I've got plenty of time, and second, no one's going to give me a hard time over being late today." His free hand was still running through her hair. "Just go to sleep. It's going to be all right."

She was asleep in seconds.

xxxxxxxxx

"What's the status?" Nick asked the moment he was through the squad room door.

"Allison Mayfield is already on her way down, and Liv's on the phone with Laura Issac now," Fin told him. "How's Amanda?"

"Shaky, but I think she'll be okay. He really spooked her with that late-night visit. Any sign of _him_ yet?"

Fin shook his head. "I drove by Amanda's place last night, checked the lot and everything, and didn't see him. I can't believe he took us all in like that."

"I can't believe we hurt her enough for her to think she couldn't talk to us," Nick replied, sounding like he was on the verge of losing it completely, and it was pretty clear that _we_ really meant _I_. "I was pissed, I know, but I never meant - I never stopped caring about her."

"It's not that simple," his partner's voice said softly from behind him. Her eyes locked with Fin's, and a hundred words passed between them without either of them having to speak. "She's scared, Nick. You can't expect everything she does to have a perfectly rational basis."

"She expected me to be mad at her for not telling me sooner," he said almost brokenly.

Fin shook his head a little sadly, glancing around to make sure only Olivia and Nick would hear him and lowering his voice even so. "I get the sense her family isn't the most supportive of her - I don't think she was actually abused, but I also don't think she had much in the way of understanding or emotional support growing up. You've met her sister - Amanda's the younger sister, but I think she was mostly forced to be Kim's caretaker."

Olivia was nodding slowly. "Yeah, I could see that." There was no need to explain how she could see that; both Nick and Fin were aware of where she came from. "If you don't expect anything, you can't be disappointed."

Fin looked like he was about to reply, but instead he suddenly sat up straight. "Scumbag at two o'clock."

Olivia immediately saw her partner tense up, and laid a hand on his arm. "Don't do it, Nick," she said under her breath. "I know you want to, but don't do it."

On cue, several uniformed officers slowly moved into position. They weren't obvious enough that Blaine was likely to notice, but they were close enough to spring into action if he made a break for the door when he realized his game was up.

Clearly, someone had gone to get Murphy, who appeared a few seconds later. Blaine eyed the assembled group. "What is it? Another victim?"

"Something like that," Amaro said through gritted teeth. Olivia kept her hand on his arm, ready to grab him if he lost his temper and tried to go after the man. She didn't blame him in the slightest for his anger, but the last thing they needed was a tainted arrest.

Fortunately, Murphy stepped in before Amaro's patience had a chance to run out. "You're under arrest."

"I - what?"

"You're under arrest for the rape and kidnapping of Allison Mayfield and Laura Issac. You have the right to remain silent -"

"I know my rights!"

"You have the right to remain silent," he repeated, "and I suggest you use it! You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you..."

xxxxxxxxx

"That's him. Number three."

The words were out of Laura Issac's mouth almost as soon as the blind was raised, just as they had been from Allison Mayfield's. It appeared Munch's instinct had been right; Blaine was the man they were looking for, and his habit of forcing the victims to look at him throughout the act was backfiring on him in a big way.

"Thank you." Olivia waved to an officer to take her out.

Barba turned to Blaine's lawyer. "That's two, and I've already called the Atlanta DA. They'll probably be asking us to extradite within the week. The only question is where he'll be tried."

"I need to speak to my client," the man said briskly.

"How tight is this case?" Olivia asked Barba once the defense attorney was on the other side of the glass.

"On our end? I can't see how he'd wiggle out of it - of course, that's no guarantee of anything these days," he added bitterly, calling to all of them memories airtight cases where the perp had walked, "but it doesn't look good for him. As for Atlanta, that all depends on the detective work in question. The fact that the suspect was basically _running_ the investigation may become an issue, he had a lot of access to the records."

"Except he had to run and hide so the victims wouldn't see him," Olivia pointed out. "That means other officers handled a huge portion of the investigation. If we can prevent them from closing ranks around him..."

"There has to be one," Amaro said, an edge of desperation in his voice. "That's all we need, one officer who's not willing to cover for a dirty cop."

Olivia knew that tone. She'd known for a while now how much her partner cared for Amanda, and she knew he was upset about what had happened to her and scared that Blaine wouldn't pay for his crimes.

"Sorry I'm late, there was a five-car pileup on the bridge," Munch's voice said from the doorway. "What did I miss?"

"Both our victims IDed Blaine," Fin told him. "Murphy's getting some static from Atlanta PD, but he thinks they'll come around eventually; they may not like it, but they can't just pretend this didn't happen, the White Knight's been on too many front pages for them to ignore this kind of lead."

"Wasn't Detective Rollins involved on the case in Atlanta?" Barba pointed out, and it was only then that Olivia realized he was out of the loop. "I can't imagine she'd cover for this asshole."

"Can we talk for a minute, Counselor?" Olivia said softly, waving him into a side room. She could see Munch still talking to Fin and Amaro.

"Is there a problem?"

"I just need to bring you up to speed," she told him. "Rollins isn't a part of this investigation anymore."

"I take it something happened," he said a little wryly.

"Nothing she's responsible for," Olivia replied, unable to keep a hint of defensiveness out of her voice. "Rollins disclosed to me yesterday that she was one of Blaine's victims in Atlanta."

"And we didn't know about this before because...?"

"Cops close ranks around their own, and he's a lot more firmly entrenched in the department than she was," Olivia said regretfully. "She never told anyone. It shouldn't affect the case. Nick and I were the primaries, we talked to the victims and Munch and I were the ones who got that rental receipt."

"Okay. Okay. I'll have to do a little fast talking to keep the defense from undermining our case -"

Olivia smiled despite herself. "Isn't that what you do best, Counselor?"

xxxxxxxxx

Five-fifteen. Nick should be home soon.

After waking up, she'd gotten the hot shower she'd craved the night before, but she couldn't bring herself to face the idea of leaving the locked room. Blaine really had scared her by showing up at her apartment. There was no place that he would consider off-limits. She had to protect herself or he would come and he would hurt her for telling.

She heard a loud knock on the bedroom door, but before she had a chance to panic, a voice followed it. "Amanda? It's me. Can I come in?"

She got up and unlocked the door to let him in. He looked her over, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"What happened with _him_?" she asked in reply.

"He's at Riker's, he'll be arraigned tomorrow. Barba's going to try to argue for remand, but it's going to depend which judge we draw."

"So he could get out," she replied flatly.

He placed a hand on her shoulder and realized she was shaking. "Shh, it'll be okay, I'll protect you." He pulled her close. "Barba thinks it's likely Atlanta's going to extradite anyway - even if he's free on bail down there, he won't be allowed to leave the state." He ran his fingers through her hair. "Have you been in here all day?"

She nodded. "The door locks. You don't know how hard it was in Atlanta, having to leave my house every day when all I wanted to do was sit behind every locked door I had in that place. And now - I'm scared he'll hurt me for telling you what happened."

"I know you are," he soothed. "I know. But I won't let him."

"Why are you so good to me?" she whispered.

"Because I care, sweetheart. That's all the reason I need." He placed a kiss on the top of her head. "You need anything? You must be hungry."

She was. She was starving, she hadn't eaten in almost two days. More than once that day she'd thought about going down to the kitchen to get something to eat, but hungry as she was, the idea of leaving the locked room had been more than she was ready to tolerate.

"Yeah, I'm hungry," she said softly.

"I'll cook you something. Can you come down to the kitchen?"

Tears pricked at her eyes. He hadn't even _told_ her to come to the kitchen, he'd _asked_, to be absolutely sure she was comfortable. "I'm okay as long as you're here."

xxxxxxxxx

Nick was woken suddenly by a scream. "Amanda?" he called out, recognizing the voice. "Amanda?"

As his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he realized she was still lying beside him in bed, huddled up with her knees to her chest. As he reached out to touch her, he realized her clothes were soaked with sweat.

He took her shoulder and shook it. "Amanda, it's okay, it's just a nightmare. Come on, wake up."

She did, suddenly sitting upright, gasping for breath. "Oh, Lord," she whispered.

"You're okay," Nick said gently. "You're okay. I'm here."

She reached for him and he obliged her, taking her in a warm embrace. She shook in his arms as he rocked her gently. "You want to tell me about it?"

"N-no," she replied uncertainly, as if afraid she was giving him the wrong answer. "I don't want - I don't want to have to go over it again."

"That's okay too," he soothed. "Just hold onto me, then."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, clinging to him. "I'm such a mess. I'm sorry for making you take care of me."

"Don't," he replied. "Don't do that. Don't apologize. This isn't your fault." What Fin had said began to resonate even more strongly with him. _She's not used to being cared for._ "It's _okay_, Amanda. I know you're scared, and that's okay. I'm here for you."

She sniffed, and he could tell she was fighting not to cry. "I didn't take a single sick day in Atlanta when it happened. I got up and went to work the next day - it took all the strength I had, but I did it, and now I can't, I'm falling apart all over you and everyone else."

He brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "You had no choice back then. When there's no safety net to catch you, you have to fight to your last ounce of strength not to fall, so you buried all your pain and just kept going. You're falling apart now because all that buried pain is coming back to the surface, but you're also falling apart because now it's an option, because you know I'm here to catch you when you fall." He placed another kiss on her forehead. "And I never want you to apologize for that. I _want_ to be here for you. I want you to feel safe enough with me to let your emotions out."

"I do."

He began rubbing gentle circles on her back. "I know that you feel safe from Blaine with me, but I want you to feel safe _from_ me too. I'm not going to leave you for crying in front of me, or needing me, or anything like that. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you'd be here for me if I needed you, and I promise you, I'll be here for you through this."

She began to cry then, a near-silent stream of tears that nonetheless shook her entire body, much harder than she'd cried in front of Cragen and Olivia, sobbing herself to sleep in his arms as he held her and rocked her.

xxxxxxxxx

She woke up with her head on her boyfriend's chest, his arms securely wrapped around her. He stirred too, reaching out to turn the alarm off. "Sorry about that," he apologized sleepily, "but I had to get myself up somehow. You can go back to sleep."

"Wasn't going to." She slowly pushed herself to a sitting position. "Arraignment's later today, isn't it?"

"You don't have to go to that," he replied.

"I want to," she replied. "I feel better after last night, and I want him to know I'm not too scared to look him in the eye. Not anymore."

"Okay."

****Yeah, this is mostly fluff, but nothing wrong with a healthy dose of fluff every now and again.****

****What I wrote about Rollins' family is mostly speculation, based on the way her sister treats her in _Deadly Ambition_ and what she mentions about her father in _Rapist Anonymous._****

****Please review.****


End file.
